Obamophobia was long believed to be a very rare disease; in fact, it was. Not a single case of the virus was registered in human history until the fall of the year 2007.
Scientists have been scratching their heads; they are baffled by the sudden occurrence of the disease. According to a 2011 survey, close to half the US population suffers of obamophobia. What’s most intriguing to science is that a) such a large swath of the population is affected b) the other half is completely immune. Scientists have concluded that obamophobia is highly infectious in the affected sector and yet the other group immune system seems impenetrable. Despite its manifestation in such a large sector of the population, the disease is not deadly, which explains an unlikely decimation of the US population anytime soon.
Again, in 2012, scientists conducted another study which shows that obamophobia has continued its course without any abatement. All those infected appear normal, cognizant and are able to function just like the unaffected group. Since the outbreak of the obamophobia virus, scientists are left with troubling questions, where does the illness originate? How does it get transmitted? Is there a cure? What would happen over time?
For fear that the scientific community may be missing the most important clues that could help pinpoint the origin of obamophobia, the scientists took to the streets to observe the subjects. After months of intensive research and observation, the scientists believe they may have discovered the origin of the virus. According to the top scientist who, for the first time in the history of scientific research, participates actively in the research, the disease originates on the second floor of the 1211 Avenue of the Americas in New York City. The lead scientist cautions the public however not to jump to conclusion. Based on further research, we discover that the Fox Opinion Network (known by most as Fox News Channel) is located at that very address.
Despite caution expressed in the scientific community, it is easy to conclude the obamophobia virus is concocted in Fox Opinion lab and spread over the major cities, clearly an act of terrorism that’s left unattended by Homeland Security. It is believed that some of the top brass in Homeland Security may have also been infected by the disease, which may explain the inaction on the part of an agency whose primary job is to rid off the country of all terrorist activities.
What’s more perplexing for the scientific community is that the duration of the disease in a living organism doesn’t seem to cause any visible harm to the subjects. Very rarely an infectious disease would leave its subjects unharmed; usually, the subject would die gradually or suddenly depending on his/her immune system. It is also important to note that most subjects are acutely aware of being infected but express very little concern to seek for a cure. The scientists warn those who are not affected to be cautious when interacting or conversing with the infected individuals; the latter group displays aggressiveness, hot temper and lack of reasoning ability. It is unclear whether those behaviors are symptoms of the disease; a few non-infected subjects also display some of the same symptoms.
Volunteers from both the infected and the non-infected groups submitted to scientific experimentation provide no conclusive solution for a cure. Despite worldwide scientific collaboration, it is by sheer luck that scientists were able to establish a connection between the infected and the election – and the reelection – of the current president of the United States, Barack Obama, thus naming the disease after the president, the Obama syndrome or simply Obamophobia. Scientists are now confident that the affected population will be naturally cured once Mr. Obama’s term in office has expired.
It is welcome news to the world, and relief to the scientific community, that obamophobia does not present any threat to human race and the symptoms will eventually go away. Scientists do however suggest to all those currently infected to drink a glass of warm water early in the morning to taper the symptoms.Follow @mducheiney