Here is what happened while you were out; “The Impact Team” – sound like a name taken out of an action movie – the hacker group which forcefully suggested ashleymadison.com take down the site or else made good on its threat; it had released a trove of data containing private, personal information (which include names, email addresses, credit card info) of all those (cheaters) who signed up in search of cheating partners. Needless to indulge you! The (emotional) havoc caused by the release of such information prompted authority (FBI here in US) to look into whether freedom of speech has been violated by “The Impact Team”.
As promised in Part 1 of the series “How To Find Out If Your Partner Is Cheating”, I will reveal here how to effortlessly find out whether you are in a relationship with a cheating partner. Keep in mind however that the truth is ugly but some people would like to know at any cost. There are individuals who have hired “private eyes” to follow their spouses, to photograph them, to record their actions, to catch them in the act. Almost always, confrontation will ensue; in some cases, physical altercations would result in one individual being arrested in the best case scenario. In other cases, individuals would suffer physical harm including death. A partner cheating in a relationship is sometimes used in divorce cases as proof that the individual is untrustworthy. Whatever the reason one may have, even curiosity, to find out that your partner is cheating or has cheated, the emotional fallout may be greater than the act itself. Although I try hard to discourage anyone from spending time, energy and money to pursue that venue – it may not be worth it – some individuals would want to know anyway. I learn that some people find solace in knowing – vs being suspicious – the truth; others find peace – vs living with a guilty conscience – only after telling their partners of their cheating adventure. The latter would prefer to “pay whatever consequence” – including separation, divorce – instead of keeping their indiscretion hidden. And of course, there are those who would deny to have cheated even after being caught with their hands in the jar.
The technique I will reveal is not a formula or a recipe; in fact, it requires no investigative skill. It is probably the simplest technique you’d wonder why you never thought of it before. I am sure you may have developed ways to spy on your partner, search their purses or wallets, read their texts and emails, listen to their voicemails, etc. You may have even pretended to leave the house and hide someplace to find out whether your partner is cheating or you may have followed him/her whenever s/he goes out to be with friends, to visit his/her family. Frankly, unless you have a “stupid” partner or one who wants to be caught – for whatever reason – the aforementioned is complete waste of time and catalyst which elevates your blood pressure and increases the toxicity level in your blood stream, both of which may be fatal to your health. And the worst part is your partner may be playing you if s/he suspects what you’re up.
First, let me shed light on a few points:
- the technique I will reveal comes at a cost; not financial of course. If you are interested in the technique, it is most likely because you suspect your partner may be cheating. Such state of mind alone may cloud your judgement and may render the technique completely useless. However, if you’re able to keep your emotions in check and give your partner the benefit of the doubt, meaning to approach the exercise of finding out with an open mind that your suspicion may be unfounded. A little bit of suspicion may be healthy but if you are convinced your partner is cheating, there is no point to use the technique I will provide.
- you should first work out anger, frustration before using the technique. Before jumping into action because you just can’t wait to find out whether that b%&*$# has been cheating, I strongly advise to take some time to imagine the many scenarios and outcomes. There is really nothing to prepare one for this type of finding but you’ll be in control of your emotions if you simply take the time to envision the scenario where your suspicion is correct, and worst your partner confesses or doesn’t challenge you.
- you should decide ahead of time about the relationship; this is probably the most important exercise to go through before going forward. The relationship will never be the same, ever, even if you decide to stay with the cheating partner. It is expected that many future arguments will be directly or indirectly connected to the cheating act. Mutual trust, the most important aspect in a relationship, will be missing most of the time; some relationships will eventually end. So, before launching the expedition of finding whether your partner is cheating, you must think seriously and decide whether you want to continue the relationship if your suspicions are correct.
- you should play all possible scenarios in your head before going live. Some findings are less emotional than others; the degree of your emotions dictates how you would react. It is therefore important to play as many scenarios (and outcomes) as possible. Imagine you find out your partner is cheating with your best friend or a relative. So, be mentally prepared.
- you should let a family member or a close friend know your plan; for safety sake, it would have been better to address your suspicion in a public place; however, issues in a relationship are private matters which must be addressed privately, away from prying eyes and nosy ears. It is also widely reported that conversations in regards to breach of trust prompted by a cheating act are usually escalated to confrontations which may become physical, harmful, deadly.
- if you’re in a live-in together relationship, you (not your partner) should ready a room with lock from inside for the night before confronting your “suspicious cheating partner”. There are circumstances which may make it difficult to end the relationship (separation, divorce); however, after a heated argument, it would be best for one partner to leave the house but that’s not always possible. The next best option is to sleep in a room which can be locked from inside. You may already guess the reason but even if you were to reconcile with your partner the same day, it is prudent to do so anyway for the next few days. Some individuals may easily forgive the indiscretion; others may change in very big ways by the act. It may take a few days for such individuals to forgive their partners or end the relationships. Those few days may prove harmful – even deadly – for the cheating party. Some Christian leaning families may disagree with the solution provided here; however, in many occasions, some people are so much hurt by their partners’ infidelity that only God’s mercy could save the cheaters’ lives, literally.
In the next column, before I reveal the secret to finding out whether your partner is cheating on you, I will tell you how I personally prepare myself should it happen to me, again.Follow @mducheiney